fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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