Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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