i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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