saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he shaved USA in his pubs
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
