Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
