Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
