Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
