Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
