Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
