i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
