i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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