She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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