My first STD was from a foam party
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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