We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
