Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
