2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
