That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
