and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
