Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
