walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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