you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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