I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
