Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
