Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
