So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
