Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Randomize
