we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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