Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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