all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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