sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
