I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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