I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
