can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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