farters have to be the big spoon...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
