Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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