So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
