I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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