Do you still have your period?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I enjoy the company of your penis
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
