i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
