I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
