The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
