Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
