i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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