dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
