he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
