...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
