The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
It's shark week go big or go home
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
