i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
