what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
