You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
