you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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