Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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