Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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