he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
