i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
