you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
