Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
