He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
