Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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