I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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