i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
