Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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