there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
