two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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