I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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