based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Welp...herpes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
